Eye Spy

Queen of all she surveys, Kitsey rests upon the cat tree her Main Minion purchased for her recently. A little elevation helps maintain her dominance over the domicile.

Classic

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Warning for language!

Carol Burnett and her comedy troupe were just plain brilliant, and this example of uncensored outtakes only reinforces their mastery of hilarity, timing and so on. Nothing like this on the vast wasteland these days.

H/T Nunkle Kim

Recycling!

I'd bet we got up to eighty degrees today. Frankly, I'm not ready, plus I was promised snow with my winter, and we ain't got none of that.

One thing tourists inevitably notice while traveling through the Golden Beef Triangle are the feedlots and in particular, the smell. When it's cold, the smells are reduced. However, when it warms up, it's like all those special odors are freed at once, because the intensity of the nasal assault just seems worse. So, with that, I give you a post from the past:

Ode to the Feedlots

The wintertime masks the odour of the feedlot, you think
When driving by the smell isn't so bad the stink
Isn't an overwhelming presence just a mild after taste
From all those cattle's massed body waste
The skein of ice over the lagoon surface
Hides Natures ultimate purpose
For when the cheery Springtime Sun heat
Warms the copious fetid treat
A fragrant explosion assaults the senses
When motoring by those complicit fences
The Little Tree® air freshener hides and cries
And moans and screams and finally dies
The dense, wafting wall of emanation
Surely is unequaled in all of creation
Overcome by dizziness in the cloud of effluvium
One wonders if there is a requiem
For the slaughtered nerves in one's nose
Flooded like a tincture of fire hose
The Old Timers! Look and see
It's nothing but the smell of money!
I'll agree with this only
When me and my nose are safely free!

Math? Math?!?!? We Don't Need No Stinkin' Math!

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The term Hell in a Handbasket comes to mind.

Actually this is a spoof. I got it in an email purported to be for real, but it's not. The original video it is parodying is here. The subject? Should evolution be taught in schools.

H/ T Nunkle Kim

Touchy Subject

Her First Period - watch more funny videos

Laugh? I thought I'd die! Yep, a bunch of manly men for sure! I know I'd squirm, too.

Puppy For Sale

Once again with the raiding of the ol' email inbox!

Whether you own a dog or not, you must appreciate the efforts of this owner to sell her dog.

Read the sales pitch below!

Can’t Call Her Molly Anymore, Either

LeeAnn is visited by goats. Go read.

For Your Dog's Special Moments

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Yeah, this is kinda old and maybe I've seen it before. It still made me larf right out loud.

H/T Eddie

Hi. I'm Jeffro, and I Have a Dirty Mind

Dirty mind or art lover? You make the call!

H/T Darin

Christmas Tree Tradition

When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as  fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure.

Then Mrs. Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.

Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.

Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drunk all the cider and hidden the liquor.. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the  cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.

Just then the doorbell rang, and an irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.

The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?'

Winning the Lottery

A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house.

She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, 'Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!'

The husband said, 'Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?'

'Doesn't matter,' she said. 'Just get out.'


H/T Eddie

Toaster Science

Chaz at Dustbury asks about the "single slice" markings on his toaster, and what it all means. Further studies are warranted and scheduled.

I Think I Threw Up In My Mouth a Little

I find myself agreeing with Ted Rall. That's just not right - not right at all.

And, a crappy joke that made me tee hee right out loud:

On the news today: BP solved the spill problem. They built a big wedding ring, slipped it on the pipe and it immediately stopped putting out.

H/T Eddie

Snaaaaaake!

You Have Got To Be Kidding Me!

Cedar View Paint Horses finds a couple of snakes.

I'm laughing with him. Nervously, that is.....

Don't Mess In Texas

Can we say "appropriate response" to a statist? Snerk!

Naturally, I got this in an email. Regulars here know that is a major source of inspiration for me, because I'm naturally lazy in that regard. I do try to find the source for attribution, and I think I found it here in an article titled "Those Crazy Environmentalist Quacks." The author is a humorist, and it is worth a read - he does a good job with the material. I bow in his general direction!

Plus, this was sent as a .pdf - if you want a copy for yourself, forwarding to your friends, or just for wrapping fish (Thanks, MAD!), I've put it up on Google Docs (and hopefully set the sharing correctly) here. Google is getting a bit less "open" all the time - I couldn't upload the dern thing in Firefox, so I searched their help section and found that there are and have been a lot of people with the same problem for some time now. The solution? Use their Chrome browser. Worked like a champ, then. Huh. Imagine that.

H/T MorningGlory - she's quit blogging, hopefully temporarily.

From the TMI Department

Click for larger - you know you want to. You can, in fact, light farts. I know this because of a rigorous testing regimen in college (living in a dorm - and beer might have been involved). Can you say "blue flame heater?" I knew you could.

And, even more TMI - back in the day, when Moby Dick was a minnow and dirt was new, most of us kids were desperate to shave. We wanted those super cool seventies muttonchops along with our zits and shaggy hair. I'll never forget what my father always said "There you go, trying to cultivate what grows wild around your a$$hole on your face." File that under "Valuable Lessons From Dad." Along with "Shut the damn door, are you trying to heat/cool The Great Outdoors?"

Welp, I digress. Lighting farts is a very, very effective way to "clean up" that area. Just sayin.'

I saw this at my buddy Jerry's place and just had to rip off that picture.

I Just Luv Meeces to Pieces

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There is no Nolan Cheese - the clip is a promo from John Nolan Films showcasing animatronics. The music choices are totally appropriate - it made me larf right out loud!

But, I still hate mice. The only good mouse is a dead 'un, As Far As I'm Concerned.

H/T Road Pig

Maybe You've Noticed

Or, maybe not. Farmers can be a bit - well, different:


I dunno about y'all, but I like it. The email text also said

This one even comes with a built in headrest

Don't you know it! And, it really doesn't need more cowbell.

H/T Ant Gail

Sandra Bullock Meant Well

Sandra Bullock burned herself dying her pubic hair.

The actress - who is married to motorcycle enthusiast Jesse James - admits she was horrified when her special Valentine's Day grooming efforts went wrong.

She explained: "I decided for Valentine's Day I would do a special hair thing. I wanted to try to create a pink heart shape with my lower hair. It was painful.

"You had to bleach it first. There's something about bleach that feels like acid. Then I had to shave it. I was in so much pain, but I kept going and put the pink dye on and it went the wrong colour."

Don't think you shoulda oughta tolt that there story, Sandra! I'd bet Jesse woulda liked it - I know I would!

Happy Valentines Day, everyone, and just remember some gave all - or quite a bit, at any rate....

I Feel Soooo Accomplished

I wear bifocals. I discovered I needed them - oh, say something approaching twenty years ago. I'd been a lousy model builder as a child, but with big plans that never panned out. Then, I got older and decided to check in on the ol' hobby. At that time, the thinking was "Now that I'm an adult and can afford to buy some of the detail goodies to make 'em look real, I can go to town. I also have the patience to do it right - fill in cracks and low spots with body putty, proper painting, and care." So, as I was trying to simulate spark plug wires on a SBC (1/24 or 1/25 Z28 model), it became painfully obvious I couldn't see well enough to do that kind of detail work. Even after I got bifocals. Even with magnifying glasses on articulated arms.

So, I ended up collecting some die cast models. Not the same.

During a Woot Off before Christmas, one of the things that came up was the Alpha Force WWII Aces or Modern Aces - Six Pack. Either six WWII fighter plane models in 1/100 scale, or six modern fighter planes in 1/144 scale. Whoa. Too Cool. The Bachmann Mini Planes have always tripped my trigger until one has to actually, well, pay for them. So, hey, here are some model planes that promise to be highly detailed, just require a little glue, and most importantly, cheap! $11.99 plus five bucks shipping and handling cheap. If you are a Wooter, you also know that you could actually buy three sets and get them all shipped for the five bucks S&H.

What can I say - I succumb to impulse buys once in a while. I ordered two before Woot ran out. Two each of the WWII planes. I've got a good friend who is about as bad as I am when it comes to neat stuff for "decoration." His office is lined with memorabilia - truck models, old toys, swords, guns, sports goodies, Cohiba boxes - just a lot of good, manly stuff. It's his Man Cave - I have a whole house for that. I knew he'd appreciate the WWII planes. We're both old WWII memorabilia and history buffs. We can watch a History channel presentation about P51s and get misty eyed. We're emotional that way.

So, the six models are of the pictured FW190, Me 109, Spitfire Mk. Vb, Mitsubishi A6MZ Zero, P 47D Thunderbolt (a truly manly fighter), plus the all time fave - P 51D Mustang. It just doesn't get any better than that - all the major players are represented, and you'd really need more than six slots for cool WWII fighter planes. I could see the P47 knocked off for a P-38 (edited) Lightning, and I'm sure there are others that could be successfully argued.

So, how did it go together? Wow. Did I mention these things were 1/100 scale? And I'm about blind to tiny crap like this? Did I? I'm not sure, they say memory is the first thing to go. I dunno about that - it might be seeing things super up close and personal. Not only is the memory going and the eyesight not so useful - but there are other things that irk me, too. Whoever said after you're a teenager the zits go away lied. The hair on top of my head has migrated to my eyebrows, my nasal passages, my ears, down my back to my butt. You are what you eat - I must have eaten too many Rice Krispies as a kid - all my joints snap, crackle and pop. Oh, wait, I was talking about building a model. Sorry 'bout that, seems like I get sidetracked easily these days...

Other than needing to be about thirty seven times larger, it was really surprising to me how well this thing went together and how fine a degree of detail it exhibited. Tampo painting has come a long way, baybee. The only major flaw was a pretty good seam opening on the bottom of the fuselage, but on display it's not visible. I can tell you for a fact that the paint scheme shown would be impossible for me to apply. Also, not surprisingly, it's very very fragile. I suspect that open display of this model with a cat in the house may lead to one upset tubby trucker.

And just think - I've only got five more to go!

And one more thing - my pal is about as blind as me for close stuff, too. Bwaaaa haaaaa haaaaa haaaaa!