Warriors! Come Out To Playeeyay!

Our saga today begins with Our Good Green American Guys gettin' some good ol' R&R - relaxing as much as a stiff plastic figure can. It's been tough on Our Guys, and they deserve some time off to unwind. Maybe they shooters can relax their grips for a little bit.

What? What just happened? Can't Our Guys get some rest?

Apparently not. Some sort of fantasy trans-dimensional horror warriors have just materialized - threatening Our Guys. "Warriors, come out to playeeyay!" they say. It's a low down old fashioned gangland sneak attack, is what it is. These half alive, half dead beings won't be happy until they have sucked the marrow from Our Guys souls.

Yeeeees, they are a rough looking bunch for sure. I'd bet those cleavers haven't been sterilized in a day or three.

Oh, but wait! It's popular cartoon characters Buzz and Woody! "Stop!" says Buzz. "Hi!" says Woody.

Oh my, I think they're here to "dialog." Do they have any sort of powers that might help Our Green Guys?

Meh. Not so much. Woody appears to think he can break out the old Somebody Else's Problem Field. Buzz just raises his fist. I don't think denial is a river in Egypt for these two.

Oh my. This is not good. The green trans-dimensional warriors are chopping our cartoon icons into little bits. Our Green Guys (didja notice the wicked warriors are a much more sickly and disgusting green?) have been caught off guard - the Stealth Fighter is parked without a handy runway, the jeeps are out of gas, and the tank needs reloaded. Oh, my, what will they do? 

Silly trans-dimensional horror monster warriors - they should know Our American Green Guys always have someone watching their six. Leader guy called in an attack helicopter air strike.

Hah! So there, mean old monsters! A few rockets and some cannon fire kinda trumped rusty old cleavers and worn magic staffs! Guess that'll show y'all not to mess with the Best! Get some rest, boys, you've earned it.

I Tried To Warn Y'all

That's right, the Army Men are at it again. You just never know when they'll break out and start something. Since it's their nature, one must be prepared. I thought this time I'd let 'em go for a while and see what happened.

Let's meet the playas:

From left to right:

First is the gung ho leader. "C'mon," he says, exhorting his troops to battle. Let's hope he has some sort of communications device as well.

Second is the "I'm here cuz I gotta be - got my rifle, but I'd rather have some coffee and some warm food" guy. Can't blame him.

Third is the "I think I saw something and I'm getting ready to shoot at it" guy. Was a Boy Scout as a teenager - always prepared.

Fourth is the "I'm lining up a shot right now" guy - he's gonna snap off a shot for sure.

Fifth is the "I'm lining up a shot right now, too, but this is a more stable shooting platform. I like to hit what I'm aiming at" guy. He grew up hunting, and if he could go prone he'd be on the ground.

Sixth is the "I've got a bazooka and someone is gonna get it" guy. Very important man to have on your squad.

The field of honor - we can see all the combatants and their initial strategies.

Of course these are Our Good Green American Guys - flying the flag and ever so proud, arrayed like they're playing electric football or something. They are ready to take on all comers and defend our way of life. Our heros.

Well, I think we all know who these guys are. They are letting their ideology cloud their strategy, I think. Of course, they are Nazis. WWII Nazis. Bad Nazis should know they lost once already, but Army Men Nazis never learn.

Of course, we've seen the armies at rest, apparently awaiting the outcome of peace talks. Maybe they'll just pack their stuff and go home.

Check out the rocket launcher in the Nazi utility vehicle.

Oh my, sneak attack! The bastards! Well, that did it. This means war.

Oh man, the tanks cut loose. Things could go either way, our jeeps only have spotlights and not rockets like the Nazis had. This could get ugly.

But wait, spotlights? And even though the two point leader guys got rubbed out, there were others in the formation. One of them has called in air support.

What? Just because the Nazis are WWII vintage doesn't mean Our American Good Guys in Green can't avail themselves with modern technology! Au contraire mon frere! Lessee how those dastardly Nazis like a little State of the Art American stealth high tech knowledge right up their tailpipes! Hah! Bet those Nazis didn't see that one coming! Nuttin' like a little F117 smackdown to ruin their day!

Well, its a sad time for Our Green Guys - they lost some valuable and well loved members of their unit today thanks to the perfidy of those nasty ol' fascists, who all perished in agonizing pain. Justice was served, after all. So, hoist one for Our Guys when you get the chance - they just saved us all again.

Oh, and I need to mention: the idea of blogging about Army Men was inspired by Laura and her dinosaurs. Cuz dinosaurs are awesome.

Infested

Everyone is getting their bowels in an uproar over bedbugs in motels. There are various theories as to why the pests are making such a comeback - but that isn't my mission here. Sometimes, there are dark forces at work that make bedbugs seem mild.


After I checked in and hauled all my crap inside the room tonite, I stepped into the bathroom. This is what greeted me.


Then, I saw these guys guarding the phone.



I started to lose it when I saw the remote was guarded. Sorry, but you just don't mess with a man's remote. I was starting to get peeved.



Then, I noticed these characters on duty covering the alarm clock. The previous lookouts/guards were green, but I, with a keen eye for detail, noticed the brown color of the antagonists. This was across the room from the green guys. A pattern was beginning to emerge.



A lone brown sentry guarding the coffee machine. Granted, I rarely drink that stale crap, but the idea that it may not be accessible should I desire some only added to my aggravation.



Looking at the bed I could see several sentries arrayed against each other on the high ground of the pillows - for strategic advantage, no doubt. Well, I'm here to tell ya, I'd about had enough.



Ripping the covers back revealed what I feared - the room was infested with Army Men. Army Men At War. The brown guys are clearly some sort of Commie soldiers with that non descript flag and their brown uniforms. It's also clear that they don't have much discipline in the ranks - why, some of them were lying down on the job. Nope, not dead or wounded - just slacking off.


But, the green guys were a different story. Americans, they were. Look at how well they are arrayed, plus they set out a rear guard to deal with any of those a$$holes from the alarm clock or coffee maker who might get froggy. Green Army Guys are Good - like growing things. Brown Army Guys are like bull$hit - fertilizer for the Good Green Stuff, whatever it may be. Just sayin', is all.

I felt a little better about the invasion of my personal space because supporting Our Green Guys is just something a patriot like me does. But, I knew I'd be getting very little sleep if I left them at it, so I swept 'em up in separate piles and bagged 'em. They didn't like it and I felt the sting of several minuscule bazooka shots and the pin prick of tiny rifle fire.

So, they're idle for now. I'm sure they'll get out and cause some sort of mischief in the future. It's their function in this ol' world. Righteous cause or not, I'm gonna get some sleep tonite.