Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Shaking My Head

When I'm tooling through the average big city loaded and oversized, I like to really telegraph my intentions when it comes to lane changes. I can usually only see really well on the driver's side, and I can at least see well enough to keep from running over someone to my right. So, I'll throw on the turn signal, and ponderously ease over into the other lane. No sudden moves, and it takes a fair amount of time. I don't slice and dice through traffic.

So, whilst motoring through a six lane portion of I470 in KCMO today, I was firmly parked in the middle lane. Trucks over a certain GVW are prohibited from using the far left lane, so that leaves the two right lanes for us obvious scuzzbuckets. We're so nasty, doncha know. I overtook a slower truck, who, naturally, showed no interest in moving to the right to let me by. So, I sacrificed the standard of only passing on the left and turned on the ol' signals, eased ever so slowly over to the right, and had cancelled my signals (they don't self cancel in a big truck), settling into the lane.

Suddenly I had a car "whoosh" by me on the shoulder, running forty to fifty mph faster than I. This obvious brain surgeon had been running way too fast - but not too fast to shut down and match speeds. Since I was the impediment in his way, it was all my fault that he had to take the shoulder, even though I doubt I'd have seen him coming in a freaking car. He kicked up a bunch of gravel on my hood and windshield, and he let me know I was number one through his sunroof, winding his car up to well over a hundred again. He disappeared from view. Cops? It is to laugh. The "trucker toll collectors" were all busy somewhere else, making sure our nation's highways are safe from drug crazed mouth breathing eighteen wheeler drivers.

Yep, all my fault. And people wonder why truckers have such a sour attitude towards the average driving ability of the average nut behind the wheel of a "four wheeler."

Monday, May 30, 2011

Memorial Day 2011

I've kinda made it my tradition to post pictures of the graves I decorated for Memorial Day. Today was similar to just about every other Memorial Day I can remember, only windier. WeatherBug for Android said gusts were up to sixty two mph. I had to put my foot on the decorations in order to have the time to drive my homemade "C" stakes in the ground. These particular Styrofoam ring based arrangements come with a triangular stand with a small ninety degree single bend on one end so the ring can be stuck there and leaned against the "tripod." I'm sure that works just fine in other parts of the world. I cut the legs and bend 'em into brackets to drive into the ground and hold the ring. Pliers are necessary to help grip the legs to drive them into our drought hardened ground.

One thing I'm gonna do differently is put the pictures below the fold. I'm not sure I had that option last year, but there are a lot of pictures, and not everyone will want to have their pipe ate up loading the things.

Saturday, May 28, 2011

Driving Test

News about driving in general seems to attract my attention for some reason, so this kinda jumped out at me:
SPRINGFIELD, Mass. (WWLP) - A study by GMAC Insurance finds that nearly 20% of Americans are unfit for the road and a large percentage of people don't know what a yellow traffic light means.
Phillip Brewer joked, "There's a joke about the green light, red light, and yellow light. Red light means stop and green light means go and yellow light means go faster."
According to the survey 85% of drivers don't know the right thing to do when they come to a yellow light.
GMAC also found that 1 in 5 drivers on the road cannot meet the basic requirements to get a drivers license.
So, with that thought in mind, I offer a test of my own:
Most men will get this right!

You are driving along a narrow two lane road with a NO PASSING sign posted, with double lines, and come upon a bicycle rider. Do you follow this slow-moving bicycle rider for the next 21 miles, or do you break the law and pass?

Which is the correct choice?
Slightly NSFW after the jump.

Monday, May 23, 2011

Founding Fathers - Old, Out of Touch and Dead

"No people will tamely surrender their liberties, nor can any be easily subdued, when knowledge is diffusd and virtue is preservd. On the contrary, when people are universally ignorant, and debauchd in their manners, they will sink under their own weight without the aid of foreign Invaders."
--Samuel Adams, letter to James Warren, 1775

Gotta wonder what ol' Sam would have to say with our fascination with starlets who Vajazzle and have bleached their starfish. Why, there is even a Pejazzle kit coming out for men! Aren't we all modern and progressive and forward thinking nowadays!

Hah. Those silly Founding Fathers. Stuffy, rigid, judgmental and (gasp!) religious! What the hell did they know anyhow - this is modern times now. Get with it, dude.

I Let This One Go

It's my policy to line up on snakes on the road, but if I see they are not a rattler, I'll let 'em go. This one - a bullsnake in a pretty shade of brown - decided it wanted no part of me looking at it and fumbling with my phone camera. Most bullsnakes I see are a real dusty light brown, but this one was far darker.

I realized I had a picture of the typical wheat crop in the 'hood at the top of the pic. We call the stuff in the ditch "cheat grass." The wheat crop is gonna be pretty slim this year. For some reason, it seems to demand moisture in a timely fashion - something it has not gotten. Friday we did get some moisture, but it was of the hard frozen pellet variety. The wheat is heading out and it's about half to two thirds as tall as it should be. I don't know if there was anything in the heads for the hail to knock out.

We'll see, I'm sure.

Sunday, May 22, 2011

You Can't Go Home Again

In between diligently studying the inside of my eyelids this weekend, there was time to explore (due to extreme boredom at the moment) some of the channels on the ol' Boob Tube that are not on the normal menu for consumption 'round here. I ran across The Looney Tunes Show on one of the cartoon networks. Apparently, it's a modern update to the old Warner Brother's classic shorts that we all grew up on.

Wow, does it ever suck. But, my opinion is no surprise, since I find the "new cleansed of violence and any other sort of objectionable material" cartoons to be as tepid as a bucket of warm spit. The classic shorts were intended for movie theater audiences and thus had broad appeal. The new cartoons are aimed at satisfying some sort of educational/societal panels who object to anything remotely offensive. Geez, what do you suppose humor requires?

Anyways, there was this one short:


Our old pal Marvin the Martian in a music video parody. I did get a large tee hee outta this one. Hope you do, too.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

I Gotta Wonder

What Bill Watterson might think of this cartoon. Heh.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Shocked To Find Gambling Here

Lessee if I've got this right here. A famous bodybuilder turned action adventure actor turned RINO governor of California is in hot water for not keeping Mr. Winky on a leash. The star of the Terminator franchise had such a bad reputation for his behavior both on and off the movie set that he was nicknamed The Gropinator for inappropriate behavior towards women.

And "we"(in the jaded audience seeking cheap thrills sense) are supposed to be shocked?


Monday, May 16, 2011

Big Earl

That's right. There are absolutely no other industries that receive tax breaks that make money. Nope, none what so ever.The feds never never give tax breaks to - oh, say tech or ag or auto or alternative energy industries. No local government has ever tried to entice businesses to locate in their area with tax breaks and bond issues. Nope, just big oil. They stand alone in this regard, and must be punished.

That's right. Government scientists who have absolutely no personal or political agendas on their dockets. Their views are completely neutral and pure as the driven snow. And don't you forget it - they are standing on the correct side of the issue. Even though they're non political.

Saturday, May 14, 2011


Cats in Tanks from Whitehouse Post on Vimeo.

This is what happens when we forget our place in the great scheme of things - always remember that humans are just staff to cats. Remember, and survive.

Video is a tad gory, too.

I'm Still Kickin'

Welp, I have days and then there are days. Then, there are weeks. Had to go high altitude this last week, and it really sapped me - short of breath even at lower altitudes, so at the end of some pretty long days the creative juices were just not flowing, as it were. Guess I've got good timing considering how Blogger decided to take a dump during my period of not posting!

We had to deliver to a small town slightly northwest of Boise, ID. I've passed through that area before, so it wasn't a totally new experience. We jump up to I80 and go to the Salt Lake area to catch I84. That gets us there. This trip, I84 just off I80 was restricted for wide loads, so we had to go around the beltway in Salt Lake. If there is one thing this ol' country hick just doesn't enjoy, it's gotta be that big city traffic. Actually, it was Boise where we ran into problems - a message board informed of a traffic accident ahead, and that the right two lanes were clear. It took us about an hour and a half to go about two miles, with most of the movement at the end of that time period. We saw a good lookin' babe in a green outfit with a camera guy under an overpass, so the crash must have been newsworthy. Turns out it was - there was the original wreck that the message board referenced, then a car trying to clear several lanes at once hit an end dump - knocking it on it's side. The driver had to be hospitalized. Generally the trucks win in these things.

But, none of us were hurt - just had our blood pressure spike due to impatience. I did get some pics. Not of the crash, it was cleaned up by the time we got there.

This crummy pic is the best of three - I guess the low light screwed with my auto exposure settings. That was morning along I80 near Green River, WY.

This would be one of the "Three Sisters." They are a series of three passes between Fort Bridger and Evanston, WY. Pretty much straight up and straight down - no winding curves there. My kinda mountain pass.

This is a southbound view of the mountains east of I84 immediately north of where I15 splits off.

Just a few miles further south, running on I15 and I84. The unusual large sign like object at the summit of one of the peaks left of the road is actually a bug on my windshield. It should also be noted that Tuesday when we were northbound through here, we were in fact very close to Promontory, Utah, where 142 years ago to the day, the Golden Spike was driven into the final tie of the first Transcontinental Railroad.

Aaaand, last but not least - this was in the really rather charming little motel at Evanston, WY. It had the look of one built in the sixties, but the owners had kept it up quite well. The Prairie Inn is fairly inexpensive, too. Some of these old motels are actually worth the stay - this is one of them.

When I was a kid, I used to always hear that restaurants with trucks parked around them had to be good, since truckers stopped there and "they knew." The truth was and is that there is truck parking available. The food might be crap and the service horrible, but it might be the only place for miles that a trucker could park. The same can be said for motels as well. Lots offer a bit of parking for a few trucks, but motels that have room for many more are kinda rare, particularly if they are wide loads.

So, I'm back at the Farm, and after lengthy and rigorous inspection of the inside of my eyelids I'm starting to feel like a capable human again.

Monday, May 09, 2011

If Only

Compadre and I were driving past where two weeks ago I'd seen a ton of CDOT and CHP personnel stopping and checking trucks (that's Colorado Department of Transportation - mobile enforcement, and Colorado Highway Patrol to you civvies out there).

Me: Yeah, they had that whole turn lane over there packed with DOT and patrol types, with three or four trucks pulled over.

Compadre: Yeah, it's warming up, and they're coming out of the woodwork. We'll be seeing more of them.

Like fleas and ticks sucking blood, eh?

Well, yeah!

Say, you know what we need?

No, what?

We should be able to go to WalMart and buy DOT powder just like the flea and tick stuff. Just sprinkle a little on, and they'll leave us alone.

Sunday, May 08, 2011

Happy Mother's Day!

To all the Mothers out there - have a great day! Even though mine is gone, I still remember her. Happy Mother's Day, Mama, and some day we'll meet again.

Saturday, May 07, 2011

My Crowning Achievement

Warning - this post is more than likely a poster child for Too Much Information. You have been warned. Don't blame me if you are grossed out.

Now that I've really got your attention - some background info is in order. I've got three dental crowns - two upper front incisors and a molar. One of the incisors and the molar don't stay attached, so I keep some gel type super glue on hand, and just glue them back in. The ol' Dremel cleans out the old glue quite well. While the super glue isn't as long lived as the dental variety, it does save me a ton of money. No dental insurance - unless it's a referral procedure or an emergency.

The incisors are my second set. The first were knocked out during intubation when I was knocked out for a kidney stone zapping. I woke up and felt they were gone, and the attendants had no clue. Apparently I'd put up quite a struggle. A quick xray found them in my stomach.

Their solution? They gave me some rubber gloves, a stack of "stool catchers" that fit over the toilet, and some large tongue depressors to dig through - yep, you guessed it - my stools. Until I found the crowns.

Now, if you're fresh off diaper detail, this may not seem like much of a chore. I, however, was not. It was a chore. I found only one, and my dentist wanted to put in some different ones anyways. His crack insurance staff hounded my company until they went after the hospital for the bill. They knocked 'em out, they should pay. They did.

Okay, fast forward to yesterday afternoon. The incisor crown was a bit loose, but it pretty well has to let go on it's own. I was feeling kinda short blood sugar wise, so I snacked on some pork rinds (yeah, but they're low carb, so there). All of a sudden, I discovered the cap was missing.

Well, great. Okay, what to do. If I could force myself to hurl, what was lost could be found. I looked on the floor just to make sure. Nope, no crown. Mkay, for a thousand bucks, I'll fish through my barf.

Apparently, I'll never be a splurge and purge dieter. I could not do it, no matter how hard I tried. Gag reflex? Not so much. A quick Google search told me I needed some syrup of ipecac. Niiiice - I'm out in the boonies and wouldn't you know it, I'm fresh out of ipecac. Other alternatives? Warm water with table salt. Still have some from years ago - I don't salt my food any more. So, I drank a very salty glass of water.

Still no success. All I did was make myself severely thirsty and bring up my blood pressure. Red faced from the sodium and the exertions, I finally just resorted to drinking about a gallon of iced tea. I was so disgusted, I decided to hell with saving and digging through the excretions from the other end. Screw it, I'd pay the thousand or so bucks to get a new crown.

All that salt didn't help with sweet dreams so much, either. I woke up early and in a foul mood - but the sodium after effects had passed. Other than retaining most of that water - but that's what the diuretics are for, I guess. I like to make Spanish stye omelets for breakfast, so that's just what I did. After I was done, I happened to see something out of the corner of my eye.

Yep, you guessed it. The wayward crown was on the floor several feet from the original search area. Lucky the cat didn't decide to bat it around.

So thank you, God, for not having me sift through disgusting body fluids for a crown that wasn't gonna be there.

Thursday, May 05, 2011

Well, That Was Interesting

I got to the motel tonight and fired up the ol' laptop, and when my browser displayed (as it usually does) the cached version of this site, I automatically hit refresh.

Only to find "This site has been removed."

Total surprise to me!

Well, a little digging into Blogger's online help session informed me that there had been suspicious activity in my account, so I had to get a text verification sent to my phone, and select a much better password.

When I opened up Gmail, I also discovered that "I" had been sending spam.

So, if you got one of those messages from me, I apologize, and hopefully this doesn't happen again.

Sorry fuckers....

Wednesday, May 04, 2011

Damn Straight, Skippy

Best not forget it, and we're not gonna give 'em up, either.

Do You Know Your Fifties Cars?

You got 81% (39 right out of 48). The average score is 73%

Something different today - step right up, try your luck, see if you can beat the score! Play American Torque's Car Show Game - 1950s!

I don't know my Chrysler products, or a bunch of the "off breeds." I did ok on the Ford and GM stuff, though. Heh.

H/T Road Pig

Monday, May 02, 2011

My First Thought

And I'm sure I wasn't the first, but anyways.

Okay, Bin Laden was buried at sea - "according to Muslim customs." Mmmkay, I'm betting the Navy had an imam or some such say the proper words, the proper teeth were knashed and so on.

But I'll betcha something else, too.

I'm for wagering that particular terrorist went to meet Allah with some bacon shoved up his ass.

And I have absolutely no problem with the idea.

Sunday, May 01, 2011

I'd Always Wondered

Now I know.