Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Nymphomaniac Convention

A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane.
He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat .. As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his.

Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, "Business trip or pleasure?"

She turned, smiled and said, "Business. I'm going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in   Boston"
He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs.

Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?"

"Lecturer," she responded. "I use information that I have learned from my personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."

"Really?" he said. "And what kind of myths are there?"

"Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait.

Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Jewish descent who are the best.

I have also discovered that the lover with absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck."

Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry," she said, "I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don't even know your name.."

Monday, February 27, 2012

I'm Sick Of It!

I'm sick of the media mischaracterizing the freaking issue. The GOP isn't against womens' reproductive rights, buttwads, they're against having to pay for optional and purely personal procedures and medicines. If you want to use birth control - go for it. Comes out of your pocket. Same as if you want to have your nose made smaller, fat liposuctioned, tits enlarged or whatever. If you want a Cadillac, go for it. Just don't expect me to freaking pay for it. Doesn't mean I'm prejudiced against consumers wanting Caddys, just that I don't want to pay for something YOU want.

I'm gonna get crude here, so here goes.

If women can demand free (for them - the rest of us have to pay for it) birth control and free (see previous) abortions, then By Gawd I want free dick enlargement procedures as well as other cosmetic surgery - because after all, my positive self image is a RIGHT, dammit, and YOU should be paying for it, not me. Occasionally, I suffer from ASB (Acute Sperm Backup), a proven medical condition that can cause poor health. Clinics set up to relieve that pressure should be taxpayer funded (legal hookers, dammit!). And if you oppose it, you are a male hating misogynist, prejudiced against men, and probably club male baby harp seals for fun and wear the bloody furs while dancing around an effigy of a penis and testicles, cutting them to pieces with switchblade tampons while singing Helen Reddy's I Am Woman.

See what I did there? Exaggeration, marginalization, misrepresentation - all tactics that are being used to support my paying for someone else's abortions and birth control.

Look, the whole idea of rights has been completely corrupted. Rights are what the Bill of Rights guarantees us in the Constitution - as far as Federally recognized rights. Each state may add to them, but they cannot infringe on them. Plus, we aren't given these rights by our government, we naturally own them and the powers that be cannot mess with them.

I challenge any of you who think female reproductive rights (including my funding your procedures) are actually outlined in the Bill of Rights to point out which one enumerates that God Given Right. You cannot. If you want the Bill of Rights to "make it so" then get your bad selves right after on working on ratifying an amendment. That is the proper chain of command. But you cannot do that, either, so by misdirection and crummy politics y'all try to force the rest of us to your way of thinking.

I'm sick of it. You want it? You pay for it. Not me.

Sunday, February 26, 2012

I Miss All The Fun Stuff!

The last time your intrepid reporter posted was early Thursday morning when I couldn't sleep. I said something about being back to the shop at noon. WRONG!!!

I woke up to a winter wonderland. Snowing lightly with the wind blowing nine million miles an hour. Adverse conditions, in other words. The kind of adverse conditions that the revenuers think is too dangerous for oversize loads to move. I tightened all the chains on the stupid coils once again, and headed out. If I headed directly to I70, my route would take me directly into the Colorado DOT's Limon eastbound Port of Entry.

Did I wanna risk that? Not really. I went through town. Not good if I got caught. However, when I got to the other side of town, eastbound I70 was closed. I did not know why -'s mobile site had not updated and said it was open. US287 was (turned out to be a wreck). So, southeast I headed.

But it was ice packed and snow covered with the wind blowing enough to significantly reduce visibility. Were I to get caught by a LEO, my drivers licence would be picking up some points. So, I turned around. That is a shot northbound of the I70 overpass at the east side of Limon where US287 intersects.

I eased ever so carefully back to the motel and called in, and then I had the bright idea to call the port. Kudos to Google for finding the number right off while CDOT and COTRIP do not seem to have a clue. At any rate, the officer informed me that no, they were not letting oversize loads move, but their troopers were reporting that the sky was clearing and the ice and snow were breaking up. In a couple hours, perhaps.

Back to the room and a nap! I had to be out of there at noon their time, so I called in to the port again. I got the same guy, and his answer to my question about oversize moving was: "We're letting all oversize loads but YOU move." Smart alec anyhow. I answered: "Well, that's a hell of a note!" and laughed, he laughed, and told me to bring it on in and we'd go from there. And when I actually got the truck warmed back up and headed thataway, the port was temporarily closed. The roads were clear and I got home easily.

The fun I missed was a week ago last Friday. Right here at my house, on mine and Sis's property, dang it. My neighbors were grinding hay and saw a car hauling hiney headed east between our places. There is a pretty good drop if you are eastbound, and they thought they saw the car catch air - it was going so fast. So, it was decided that the son should go check it out, since the car was likely to self destruct on the cow path that "road" really is.

That road goes for a mile behind the house and comes to a T intersection. There are a couple bad spots where it's pretty rough - little washouts that can get deep cross that road. If one hangs a right, the road disappears into worked ground. Just. Not. There. Anymore. That does not bother GPS units, which try to route people that way to get to my house from Dodge. It hasn't been a legit road for over forty years.

To the north, the road snakes around several washouts that the neighbors occasionally fill in, but one does not drive fast and look serious through there. This driver did, unfortunately. The windshield was broken, and the gal driving was walking on the "road" when my nabe came upon the crying woman. He told her to stay put and he'd call an ambulance and a wrecker. He called the sheriff instead, and they sent all the necessary appliances. Apparently, the ambulance came to one of the washed out areas and decided they could go no further and had to call in one of their four wheel drive rescue vehicles. Turns out she had stolen the car.

A worker for one of the windmill crews had just hooked up with her in Great Bend the night before, rescuing her from an abusive boyfriend or hubby or some such. Apparently, he'd put her up in his motel room in Dodge, and made it to work in the morning just in time. She, for some reason, managed to finagle a ride out to the site and steal his car, for what reason we have no clue. There has been no indication this ever happened in any of the local online rags.

Alcohol was involved. Probably clue enough, I suppose.

That's the kind of excitement I always miss. I always get the stressful drive in bad weather kind, or similar. Dang it!

Thursday, February 23, 2012

This and That

Yes, I'm still alive and kicking - just busy. Thought I'd clean out the camera on this post - nothing very scenic - just normal day to day stuff.

My company has really been expanding production for the past several years, and we've been purchasing more and more trucks - with Cormach knuckle boom cranes for delivery purposes. The standard model we've been using has been the 38000 E4, which has four extensions, has a boom length of close to forty feet, and can pick up 6k lbs at full extension. This is a 49000 E8, which will pick up another ton at four extensions, plus the boom is close to sixty five feet. That's a long way out there for a truck platform.

All the extension ends stacked. This thing is a monster.

This load was, if I remember correctly, twenty three feet wide. From a distance, it looked like a semi trailer being pulled down the road sideways. That seems a bit excessive to me, and I'd just as soon not haul something that wide.

Somewhere in the Texas Panhandle. I set those puppies  - four steel 12'x15' 300 bbl tanks and one fiberglass 12'x15' 300 bbl tank for water. This particular company uses this setup in this area - the water to crude ratio being pumped sets that for them. Some outfits have different setups. This same company uses "box" batteries north of Oklahoma City. Box batteries have two rows of tanks with a shared catwalk between them. I set one  a couple weeks ago that had four each crude and water tanks, but it was raining when I got done, and taking pictures was about the last thing on my mind after fighting mud and slime all day.

The ol' Binder rolls over 400k miles.

Speaking of the ol' Binder, here it is getting a bath at a Streakin' Beacon (Blue Beacon Truck Wash).

This was all but about three of our trucks, parked and waiting for Monday.

A little further out, so you can see my truck to the left. This shot kinda hides some clear in the back. We've also started buying Peterbilts instead of Kenworths, too.

Monday of this week at Goodland, KS. Winds were gusting over forty mph (and it got a lot worse), and it was snowing. Not much snow, just a lot of winds and slick roads. We were all headed west on I70, but it was not to be, since Colorado had it closed from the Kansas/Colorado state line into Denver because of the adverse weather conditions. Some of us ended up dropping our trailers and going back to the yard, and some stayed to attempt to deliver to Utah the next day. The trailer left of the Swift truck belongs to one of our competitors - he had dropped his load and headed to a motel already. All they make is fiberglass tanks, and their trailers are pretty lightweight. The wind was actually moving that trailer. I'd hate to have to pull that setup in a really heavy wind.

This is the load I have on now - I'll get back home around noon. I detest hauling this stuff - its coiled steel tubing. When I picked it up, it was all nice and uniform. All the company does is strap it and put little blocks for spacers in certain spots. I can get the damn things tight, go down the road a half mile, hit a rough spot, and the coils shift under the chains and get loose, as you can see here. I've already pulled over twice to tighten stuff up. I'll spend a while in the morning retightening everything, and maybe even have to stop a couple more times on the way home. I'm sure if I had some of the pipe haulers' goodies, such as some upright braces, I could drop those in strategic spots to help keep the coils from shifting. However, we don't carry that kind of equipment. I have no idea what we use this crap for in production, but if we never needed any more, it couldn't come too soon.

So, that wraps up the camera collection - see ya on the flip side, as us truckers say.

Sunday, February 19, 2012

Things I Like

Besides Teh Boobies, fart jokes, and hot rods with classic rock, I also like destroying things.

Saturday, February 18, 2012

Love Stinks

If you are offended by, well, take a wild guess. If that offends you, then don't watch.


I feel his pain.

H/T Nunkle Kim

Eleven Years Ago Today

The crash that took Dale Earnhardt Sr.'s life happened in the closing laps of the Daytona 500 in 2001. I saw it happen, and from the angles the cameras caught it really didn't look like a big deal. Network coverage ended without any news. We saw the ambulance leaving the speedway, and that was it.

About two hours later, at a press conference, NASCAR President Mike Helton announced, "This is undoubtedly one of the toughest announcements I've ever personally had to make. But after the accident in Turn 4 at the end of the Daytona 500, we've lost Dale Earnhardt. link

NASCAR's premier driver was dead. Love or hate him, he was a polarizing figure whose popularity brought NASCAR into the "modern era" separate from drivers like Richard Petty or old moonshiners such as Junior Johnson. He was an "everyman," escaping a life of mill work and tedium for racing.

I, of course, was a fan. Heck yeah, I knew he used the "chrome horn," but if one returned the favor to him, he had no complaints. Live by the sword.....

At any rate, there has been no one to replace Dale in the hearts of fans everywhere. There is no spokesman for the sport that even comes close to his influence. His son, the current most popular driver for nine years in a row, is a lightning rod for many, being called overrated mostly, because he's never won like his father. He is not his father and never will be. What he is - a good NASCAR race driver with a proven record.

After Sr.'s death, NASCAR went on a major overhaul of the cars and the tracks to improve safety. "Safer barriers" on the walls of speedways now help absorb and slow down impacts. The cars are completely redesigned, with larger greenhouses for larger crush zones. Drivers are surviving crashes that would have killed them fifteen years ago.

I have changed my status as a fan - still gotta watch, and I do root for Junior, but mostly I want an entertaining race where no one gets hurt. Death is now and always has been part of racing, but that does not mean I want to watch a blood sport. So, I enjoy the show, and cringe when someone takes a header into a wall, or tumbles down a straight at 180+ mph. I've seen enough death in the sport.

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Stinkin' Robocalls

FCC adopts new rules against 'robocalls'

NEW YORK (AP) — The federal government is cracking down on "robocalls," those automated phone calls with the tendency to interrupt Sunday dinners and otherwise annoy consumers.

The Federal Communications Commission said Wednesday that it will now require telemarketers to obtain written consent from people before placing a robocall. Written does not mean handwritten, though — electronic forms are OK.

The new rules also eliminate a loophole that allowed telemarketers to place robocalls if they had an "established business relationship" with the consumer. Now, they will have to obtain consent even if they had previously done business with the person they want to call.

Telemarketers will also have to provide an automated way for people to revoke their consent to the robocall by pressing a few keys on their phone during the call. If this happens, the new rules require telemarketer to add the person to the company's do not call list.

The FCC said it is not changing rules that apply to informational robocalls, such as airline flight updates, school notifications or warnings about suspicious bank account activity.

The FCC and the Federal Trade Commission already had rules aimed at preventing unwanted marketing calls. But the FCC said despite this, "too many telemarketers, aided by autodialers and prerecorded messages, have continued to call consumers who don't want to hear from them."

Well, perhaps. Yeah, it's nice of the FCC to pass another law (I can't believe I just wrote that), but it seems like there is no effective way to enforce the current "National Do Not Call Registry" in the first place. Once in a while, we hear of a telemarketer being fined, but they're never put out of business nor any other sort of punitive action taken. I'm sure this venture will be equally successful.

One reason I'm convinced being harassed by telemarketers never stops is that phone companies make money allowing this. I'm not sure how they could stop illegal usage of the phone lines, or even if that's a can of worms worth opening as far as unintended consequences go (do we really want Ma Bell listening in on our conversations for illegal activity?). But as long as Ma Bell and all her siblings are sleeping with the enemy, we're gonna have telemarketers who don't follow the rules.


I have riff-raff in my hoo-hoo.

Monday, February 13, 2012

This Is the Last Song

Andrea Harris posits that men in general feel it is necessary to inform women of the meaning of Don McLean's American Pie. That may be, even though I feel no compulsion to educate women about what McLean was talking about. She then calls the song overrated. I couldn't agree more.

There are some songs that we just cannot stomach out there, and this is one of them for me. It isn't the melody - it's the subject matter. It seems rather arrogant to presume that music died when Buddy Holly was killed in a plane crash. Hey, even the Big Bopper and Ritchie Valens were killed in the same crash, and somehow the "music" has continued. Jim Morrison, Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, half of Lynyrd Skynyrd, Kurt Cobain and so many other musicians have died before their time, and ol Don didn't have a peep to say about them. I'd think Morrison or Hendrix would have some sort of claim of influence that might just be a tad bit more relevant than Buddy Holly. Just sayin.'

Next up on my list is Carly Simon's You're So Vain.
 You probably think this song is about you.
What? You mean it isn't? Just WTF are you talkin' 'bout here, Carly, if not this particular asshole? Just who do you think you are shittin' here? Credibility now = zero. This clown might be a total waste, but now we know you and the truth are separate entities.

Then we have Jackson Browne's Load Out/Stay. It was sweet the first hundred or two times. Yeah, he's thanking his crew, which is nice. Every time it plays on the radio - just about ten minutes of my life I'd like back.  Please. Enough. I got it. You're welcome Mr. Browne, from the crew. For the nine millionth time already. Move on - please!

This next one is kinda obscure, but my teeth ache when I hear it. Edward Bear's Last Song.
This is the last song I'll ever write for you.
Thank Gawd. Are we done yet? No? Gotta drag it out some more? Maybe she left because of your crappy songs - ever think of that? Apparently not, because she came back and told him why she left, and thus, another song. Whee. Just. Can't. Contain. My. Excitement.

Another one way down the scale of hatred is Meat Loaf's Paradise By the Dashboard Lights. Way back, when Moby Dick was just a minnow and this song was new - I couldn't stand it. Now? It's a kind of fun song from the old days, and I actually find myself singing along. I know all the words. I may just kill myself and get it over quick and painlessly yet.

And yet one more in the category of past hatred hotter than a thousand suns but time has mellowed it to a mild simmer: Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody. I remember one of my serious musician friends whose musical tastes we all respected claimed this was the worst song from the whole album A Night At The Opera. But, once again, time has pulled the teeth from the serpent of enmity.
Scaramouche! Scaramouche! will you do the Fandango!?!

This was just the sort of song that suited Freddie Mercury's flamboyant style. He's dead now too, and I don't hear ol' Don singing about him, either, and frankly, Freddie was a far bigger star than Buddy Holly ever hoped to be.

Sunday, February 12, 2012

Sunday Funnies

The day Daddy finally snapped.

Women! Hah! Can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em! Am I right?

In Honor of....

The Firefly marathon on The Science Channel today:

Christina Hendricks as Saffron.

Yep, pretty much. After much reflection and soul searching, of course. Uh huh.

A Cat Named Lucky

If you were expecting a heart-wrenching story

about a cat that got run over by a truck,

lost a leg, and dragged itself 100 kilometers
after being bitten by a poisonous snake....
W R O N G!

Saturday, February 11, 2012

Y'all Do Me A Favor, Willya?

My long time internet pal Chris Byrne, better known as the blogger The Anarchangel, has just informed the blogging world that his mother passed away today. She has been fighting cancer for years, and this day inexorably arrived. Even though the family knew it was coming, that does not make it any easier.

My sister and I know that for a fact.

So, as a favor to me, please go and leave your condolences to Chris and Melody. I know if it were me, I'd appreciate it.

Friday, February 10, 2012

Just Because I Can

Read? Caption? Huh?

H/T Robert on Facebook

Tuesday, February 07, 2012

Sometimes a Cigar is Just a Cigar


If you were watching the Super Bowl on Sunday, chances are you saw this video. Made by the Chrysler Corporation, it features Clint Eastwood using football allegories "It's halftime in America" and so on. My initial impression was that I liked it, even though I am well aware that the city of Detroit has not recovered, and has large tracts of wasteland - abandoned buildings that are succumbing to nature. It was definitely a rah rah yay Team America kind of commercial, ignoring some pretty serious shortcomings. Even though, I still enjoyed it. I thought it was nice to hear something positive for a change.

But, oh boy, have Clint and Chrysler ever been put on the grill, and on high, even.
When asked about it on Fox News today, former GW Bush advisor Karl Rove said he was “offended” by the ad and accused the Obama’s “political minions” of “using our tax dollars to buy corporate advertising.” 

The arguments are that the ad is just a shill for Obama, because it was Teh Won who ordered up the stimulus money that bailed out Chrysler and GM (who isn't even mentioned in the ad), and it's implicitly giving support and thanks for the turn around to Obama - and what's more, it's with our tax money. Our bailout bucks made that ad possible. Social media has erupted. Us conservatives can't watch Clint anymore, cuz he's an Obama supporter. Clint didn't go for it:
"I just want to say that the spin stops with you guys, and there is no spin in that ad. On this I am certain.


Let's examine the ad a bit more. The first time I saw it, the Dodge Ram pickup, the outside shot of the green Jeep, and the little SUVs really didn't register. But they are there. So, Clint was wrong - there are Chrysler cars in the spot - but how wrong is wrong? The products were hardly showcased in any way, and the ad would have worked with Ford or GM products in it as well. This was not an ad for Chrysler per se, it was an ad for their Imported From Detroit campaign.

Was it in fact some sort of subliminal ad for Obama? Yannow, for all of us political addicts, the connection can be seen. Obama funds Chrysler. Chrysler makes a comeback on the backs of taxpayers. Chrysler makes a commercial celebrating the comeback, so therefore, it follows that Obama is being thanked and credited for his actions, as well as being condoned. If then this, then that, so this also must follow.

 However, this commercial wasn't made for those of us in the trench warfare that is partisan politics. Nope, this was made for Joe Sixpack, watching the last and hopefully best football game of the season, who may or may not be aware of the bailouts and their ramifications, but at the moment is just wanting to see the extravaganza. Not looking for obscure connections. Not a member of the perpetually butt hurt. Not caring much one way or the other about scoring points politically. Points on the football scoreboard, hell yes. The bitter political landscape? Not so much.

So yeah, it glosses over a bunch of minefields. It's propaganda, pure and simple. But sheesh, I gotta go with it being a piece of good hearted dogma, suitable for a Super Bowl, meaning to make us all feel a little bit better about ourselves. That's the way I'm gonna look at it, like it or not.

Sunday, February 05, 2012

'Bout Time!

Goat's revenge. Hah!

Saturday, February 04, 2012

Pointless Kitteh Video


Just because I can.

H/T Ace

Friday, February 03, 2012

Might Get "Lucky" Yet, IYKWIMAITTYD!

Yee Haw! Just so happens I've got an Android phone! I'm in bidness, baybee!

Sex on first date more likely for Android users

The type of smartphone you use can reveal a lot about your love life and dating style, according to a new survey.


Among the findings:

People who use Android phones are more likely to have sex on a first date, 62 per cent, compared to 57 per cent of iPhone users and 48 per cent of BlackBerry users. 
Android phone users are also more likely to partake in one-night stands, 55 per cent, compared to 50 per cent of iPhone users and 47.6 per cent of BlackBerry users. 
At 72 per cent, Android users were also the most active on online dating websites, compared to 58 per cent of those with iPhones and 50 per cent of people who have BlackBerrys. 
iPhone users were most likely to date in the workplace with nearly 25 per cent saying they have dated a co-worker in the last five years. 
BlackBerry users were the most likely to consume alcohol on a first date — 72 per cent.

Hah! Suck it, iPhone fanbois (and gurlz)! Y'all just keep messin' with yer coworkers, see where that gets ya! And Blackberry users - drink up!

H/T Dave Barry

Thursday, February 02, 2012

Don't Have A Grandson With A Dog Collar


This DirecTv ad just cracks me up. Love the deadpan announcer.

Wednesday, February 01, 2012

Been Watching "Swing Blade"

Just bend over a little more, Daddy. Then Mommy will be all mine. Mine, I say.