Monday, September 20, 2010


Everyone is getting their bowels in an uproar over bedbugs in motels. There are various theories as to why the pests are making such a comeback - but that isn't my mission here. Sometimes, there are dark forces at work that make bedbugs seem mild.

After I checked in and hauled all my crap inside the room tonite, I stepped into the bathroom. This is what greeted me.

Then, I saw these guys guarding the phone.

I started to lose it when I saw the remote was guarded. Sorry, but you just don't mess with a man's remote. I was starting to get peeved.

Then, I noticed these characters on duty covering the alarm clock. The previous lookouts/guards were green, but I, with a keen eye for detail, noticed the brown color of the antagonists. This was across the room from the green guys. A pattern was beginning to emerge.

A lone brown sentry guarding the coffee machine. Granted, I rarely drink that stale crap, but the idea that it may not be accessible should I desire some only added to my aggravation.

Looking at the bed I could see several sentries arrayed against each other on the high ground of the pillows - for strategic advantage, no doubt. Well, I'm here to tell ya, I'd about had enough.

Ripping the covers back revealed what I feared - the room was infested with Army Men. Army Men At War. The brown guys are clearly some sort of Commie soldiers with that non descript flag and their brown uniforms. It's also clear that they don't have much discipline in the ranks - why, some of them were lying down on the job. Nope, not dead or wounded - just slacking off.

But, the green guys were a different story. Americans, they were. Look at how well they are arrayed, plus they set out a rear guard to deal with any of those a$$holes from the alarm clock or coffee maker who might get froggy. Green Army Guys are Good - like growing things. Brown Army Guys are like bull$hit - fertilizer for the Good Green Stuff, whatever it may be. Just sayin', is all.

I felt a little better about the invasion of my personal space because supporting Our Green Guys is just something a patriot like me does. But, I knew I'd be getting very little sleep if I left them at it, so I swept 'em up in separate piles and bagged 'em. They didn't like it and I felt the sting of several minuscule bazooka shots and the pin prick of tiny rifle fire.

So, they're idle for now. I'm sure they'll get out and cause some sort of mischief in the future. It's their function in this ol' world. Righteous cause or not, I'm gonna get some sleep tonite.


HEATHER said...


Lisa Paul said...

Wait! So the bedbugs are now armed and working in militia?!

Jeffro said...

No, these are Tiny Army Men come to life - sort of. You gotta watch the little bast - well, you get the idea....

The examples I've found aren't mechanized. Yet.

Just be afraid. Very afraid. Well, maybe not so much. They are pretty small, after all.

drjim said...

This is your best one yet, Jeffro!
Well done, Sir!

Anonymous said...

"Righteous cause or not, I'm gonna get some sleep tonite."

A good night's sleep IS a righteous cause!

threecollie said...


MorningGlory said...

Like I always say, it's never too late to have a great childhood. Not that your childhood wasn't already great. I don't know...maybe it was. But that doesn't mean you have to let go of it!

Great post, Jeffro. Thanks for the chuckles.


Jinglebob said...

Wooohoo! Great post!