Restaurant Fun

Cripes Suzette posted about eating in Chinese restaurants today and this line stuck with me:

You’ve already replaced the sugar in the dispenser with salt.

Well!

That isn't subtle at all - it's difficult to dispose of so much sugar and you won't have enough salt. One wants to disguise the operation as much as possible. Let me tell you what we used to do.

Of course you realize the "we" in this case may or may not include moi or my friends, as it were. Or "what we used to do" is not an admission of guilt in any sort of way. Perhaps someone told me about this technique, many many moons ago.

Yeah, that's the ticket. Me and my wife, Morgan Fairchild. Who I've seen naked.

What you want is to put sugar in the salt shaker without it looking like there is anything other than salt there. You need sugar, of course, and a salt shaker as pictured above - clear glass with a screw on top. Then, you need a paper napkin. Unfold the napkin until it's down to a single ply, then tear a corner off larger than the diameter of the salt shaker. Unscrew the lid, place the napkin fragment flat on top. Slightly poke and form the napkin so it bellies into the salt shaker - but not very deep. You want the metal lid to hide the napkin when seen from the top and sides. Then, fill the depression with sugar and carefully screw the lid on over the napkin. You should have a salt shaker with paper napkin hanging out the lid all the way around the circumference. Now, carefully tear away the excess napkin. You can also tuck some under the lid. The important thing is that there is nothing left to call attention to the lid. Be sure and wad up the remnants of the napkin in one ball so there is no immediate evidence of impropriety.

Now, you have a sabotaged salt shaker, good for several "salt" applications. Plus, when the sugar runs out, no salt will be dispensed, adding to the fun.

I've heard - because of course I am completely innocent in these matters - that the degree one is toasted can increase the level of difficulty of achieving success in this endeavor. But I wouldn't know anything about that.