If I Were In This Commercial

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Yeah, yeah, yeah. A fine set of wheels should be kept clean.

Just not with Armor All's crap.

If this a$$shole came to my garage and tried to run off with my pickup because I hadn't kept it clean enough to suit him, he'd be staring down the barrel of a caliber that starts with four and ends with five. Then, I'd tell him to clean it up using the crap that his company sells as car cleaners and protectants. Stuff I have already.

For instance, the disposable interior cleaning sheets. Are you kidding me? All you get done is to clean some of it off, then smear the rest of the dirt around. When it dries, it looks like crap. So, lather, rinse and repeat until it becomes obvious that it will never get clean - those little white sheets are gonna come up dirty each and every time you wipe it across that door panel you've already wiped off about thirty seven times.

You think that crap is hot $hit? And you're willing to steal my wheels to prove your point? Prove it, mother&*%^)#.

And the scantily clad girlfriend?

If she's so willing to drop me for some role playing nitwit, she too can get to cleaning, and when they're done, just go ahead and run off with him. I don't need you, either. Might miss your assumed mad skilz in the bedroom, but as for the rest? Loyalty means nothing to you?

Eff you and the horse you rode in on too.