Green Industrial Strength Sludge

Yep, that's radioactive steam coming off the stuff, and there is an unidentified creature bone off to the left. Along with the eyeballs of newt, bat wings and such I used:

20 oz package of split peas (I think that was the weight)
The ham left on the bone from a spiral cut ham given to all us workers every Christmas by my company, trimmed off the bone, plus added the bone, too. Flavor, man, it's all about flavor.
About one and a half green bell peppers, diced very fine (in fact, all ingredients were diced fine so they'd cook away to nothing in the goop)
About a half of a yellow onion (had it on hand, and didn't feel like cutting into a new one)
Handful of sliced jalapenos from a jar
Three small potatoes, diced - didn't bother peeling (more for the thickening starch than anything)
About a half package of sliced carrot chips (generally buy baby carrots and chop them but thought this might be easier)
The packet of fake ham seasoning from the bag of peas - I wasn't gonna use it, but I don't add any more salt than I have to for my meals, and it needed something while testing it out as it cooked
Some black pepper, cilantro, basil, and garlic powder (real garlic dries out before I get around to using it). I just sprinkled each on top until it looked right.
And, as I mentioned, all that stuff with no salt was tasting pretty bland, so I cheated and added some granulated chicken bouillon. I had to add it a couple of times, because I didn't want to go overboard. I can't stand salty stuff (so used to not having it, the taste really stands out for me). I got it right.

I soaked the beans in water overnight - making sure there was water completely covering the beans completely with a little left over. Ended up adding more water as I added ingredients - and I thought perhaps I had put in too much as it was pretty thin cooking. Not to worry, the taters finally broke up and thickened things up considerably. I didn't cover all the ingredients with water when I first started - the water level was below all the stuff slightly.  I started the pot on low medium  (4 out of 9 on my electric burner), and gradually turned it down to about 1.5 as the day progressed. Started at noon and shut it off around fiveish.

This stuff has to be stirred fairly frequently. The peas all sludge up at the bottom if you don't. I never had a problem with them burning, just being super thick at the bottom.

It turned out pretty well, my main problem is that now I'll be eating split pea soup for the next nine hundred twenty seven meals. Perhaps not that many. I'd invite Linda Blair over to get her opinion, but I hear she's a vegan. Her loss, I say.