Sunday, August 19, 2012
There is not a day that goes by that I don't get pretty damn misty about Rooster. I can let go of the other things - as I've said before, it was just stuff. Certainly, it's stuff I miss, but not enough to get emotional about. Rooster? Another matter entirely. Most of the time, I cannot bring him up as a subject in conversation, or I will start bawling. The other day, a coworker I had not seen in a while asked me about him, and that set me off.
I managed my parents' deaths by realizing their days were done, and frankly, they needed to move on. Same with a lot of other relatives. I've had some acquaintances taken too soon, as have we all, but they didn't have this effect on me.
I'm probably failing in my duty as a Christian by not attending church very often. I do pray every day. This event has tested my faith in a big way, though. I realize a cat is not much in the larger scheme of things, and I'm not even a blip on the main radar screen. I tell you that when I stand large before The Lord, I will be asking him about this even if it means I go straight to hell. I need to know what possible reason He saw fit to destroy an innocent life.
And I know there are millions of innocent lives destroyed every day under His watch. Compared to that, a cat is pretty mild. It is still a crime in my eyes anyways - just a matter of degree. I also understand the concept of free will, but I fail to see how my free will had anything to do with a cat burning in a fire. He lived in the abode with me - where else would he be? My free will had him shut in the house to keep him from becoming coyote chow. He is the one who brought the drought, high temperatures, high winds and setting up the conditions where a fire would be more likely. Not me and my free will.
How could I possibly have prepared for this eventuality? What if an old Russian satellite fell from the sky and wiped the place out? What if the earth opened up and swallowed the entire farm? I never worried about that sort of thing, and still don't.
Because it's out of my control. Like this was. Still does not matter.
If I should manage to not piss off the Lord too much and end up in heaven, my little buddy had better be there, or we're gonna have words over that, too.
I am not ready to take on another cat, for sure.