I Despair For Our Future

Back in February 2008 I ran a post about joke Valentine's Day pickup lines. A couple of examples:

1) Did you fart? Cuz you just blew me away.
2) Are yer parents retarded? Cuz ya sure are special.

There are more, but you get the idea.

Since posting that, every year around Valentine's Day the ol' traffic around here goes up. Not like this year, though. Sheesh. According to Blogger's stats, that page is number one at roughly a six to one ratio over number two - How To Shift A Big Rig. That post is consistently in the top five entry pages. They all seem to take turns at number one. My overall traffic has increased about ninety percent in the past week. Not that it's that much in the first place, but it's enough to be noticed.

That's just a snapshot - and this isn't just national, either. It's global, baybee!

I'm just picturing Captain Spank sitting in his underwear in front of the magic box eating Cheetos and checking out the latest in midget pr0n, and has suddenly realized that it's Valentine's Day and the prospects of gettin' lucky are mighty, mighty grim.What should our hero do? Perhaps clean up and get out to socialize? Like about five years ago? Learn how to interact with the fairer sex, in order to be in position to get some?

Au contraire, mon frere! Surely someone out there has unlocked the mystery of how to get laid with some quick and dirty pickup lines?!?! The information has gotta be out there somewhere! For free, no less! Hey, Google is My Friend (GIMF)! Let's look up some surefire winners that can be laid (see how I did that?) on the cute clerk at the Kwik Shop so we can be doin' ten up and ten down immediately if not before? Some words that are so irresistible she'll be droppin' trou and hot to trot! Maybe she'll even bring her BFF along, too!

After a bit of thought, maybe I'm worrying too much. After all, there is a good chance social Darwinism might be in effect here - perhaps these lazy clueless seekers of easy sleazy aren't going to be passing on their genes - to anything human, at any rate. We might be safe, after all.