On this, a New Year's Eve, after some ruminations about my lack of funds for living life in the manner to which I'd certainly love to become accustomed, I have decided to start a business venture. I'm telling y'all this now so perhaps I could include all my pals in the ensuing gravy train. Yes, our ship will come in, I'm sure. So far, my plan requires us to sacrifice some of our moral character, though. Your mileage may vary.
Well, Jeffro, what in the wild wild world of sports are you talkin' bout, dude?
It seems to me the quickest way to unlimited riches is to have government funding! Any old pie in the sky project works as long as you can convince someone in charge that the good you are doing is absolutely necessary to the survival of the world as we know it, or just the Democrat party (applies to the Stupid Party when they're in charge). Sex lives of minnows? We gotta know. However, that area of study doesn't seem to hold much monetary promise - just a few execs, several hundred grand on facilities, and some bucks for a janitor. That kind of thinking is far too small - we need something much larger and more suited to an administration looking hard for any sort of technological advances in green, renewable energy. The Big O is tossing money around like it's free (wait, it isn't? Who knew?) at renewable energy companies chasing highly suspect technology. After all, if you throw cubic dollars at it, surely someone, yeah, someone, will be able to break the code and give us some energy for nothing, Meanwhile, Teh Won is doing his part by demonizing contemporary energy sources and making them so expensive that the alternatives become more economically feasible and competitive, even if they fall short (rare earth production ecological damages in China, for instance, or having your brand spankin' new windmills calm on a hot day and no one has any power, much less A/C).
So the political climate is ripe for exploitation by like minded individuals. Like us. If we can get past a few moral obstacles.
Before we get into that, we have to decide what sort of company and the kind of technology we'll pursue. I think it would be totally appropriate (since this is basically a scam) to work on improving wind powered personal transportation devices (what we'll call 'em in public - but they'll just be cars with windmills on 'em). The liberal mindset seems to believe that feeding the hungry maw of innovation requires lots and lots of government bucks chasing every avenue, no matter the likelihood of success, so what would be better than a basically impossible tech exercise - a Perpetual Motion Machine in the form of a windmill powered car? We could spend billions attempting to make the perfect frictionless driveline, the perfect no loss power conversion from the windmill to the wheels, the perfect coefficient of drag body - the avenues for improvement of the technology is endless. Plus, initially (so we'd say, because the damn thing won't run without it), we'd have to have an alternative energy source to help propel the
But we won't use evil petroleum derived energy for our internal combustion engine. No sir, we're gonna have to increase the satirical level of this
So, this proposal would be an In Your Face, You Stoopid Idjuts scam, er - business proposal.
But wait, Jeffro, you say. You said there were a couple of moral problems, right? We're just seeing the seal pup head thing - where's the beef, Dude?
Well, unfortunately, the success of these
So, there's that to deal with.
But, like they say in the late nite commercials - Act Now! This offer is due to expire without notice! Mail before midnight tonite!
The elections are coming soon. This scheme would work under Republican control, but we wouldn't have the extra added bonus of being completely shielded by the easily deluded press or the accolades of the green movement. Once the Stupid Party is involved, we'd have their taint and the greenies would automatically hate us, and might want to look at what's been swept under the carpeting, as it were. The press, always on the lookout for an Elephantine scandal, would be all over us in short order.
No, the time to strike is now, if we have the stomach for it. As always, suggestions are welcome and encouraged!